In a new interview with Esquire UK, model-turned-actress Cara Delevingne has opened up about her mental health struggles, from the time she stopped eating as an eight-year-old to her experience with anti-depressants as a teenager. Confronting, revealing and sometimes simply sad, the interview shows a side to Delevingne you don't for a minute see in her glossy magazine campaigns.
Behind the fierce brows and don't f*ck with me 'tude, Delevingne is a girl tortured by self-loathing. She tells Esquire she has always felt like a "little gremlin" rather than a model worth $9 million, admitting that during high school, in the throes of depression, she "would run off to the woods and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then I would smash my head so hard into a tree because I just wanted to knock myself out." She continues, "I was suicidal. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and it's a cycle. I didn't want to exist anymore."
Delevingne also opens up about her childhood, spent coming to terms with an often absent mother, who has battled manic depression and drug addiction all her life. "She was sick a lot, in hospital a lot," Delevingne reflects. "There were times when she would leave for quite a long time and I wouldn't know where she was." At just eight years old, Delevingne stopped eating. "I didn't feel like I had any control of anything in my life so I just kind of went on a food strike. I was like, 'I'm not going to eat until someone tells me where she is.'"
Read the full interview here.