Who needs comedians these days? Not when you have the dual delight of a Kim and Kanye cover shoot and interview, where the social media savvy pair are literally spewing forth endlessly quotable 'insights' into their privileged lives? For the couple's recent US Harper's Bazaar cover, it took the combined talents of Carine Roitfeld, Karl Lagerfeld and Laura Brown to give us this Gone with the Wind-inspired shoot, accompanied by what is essentially Kimye at their absolute peak, delusions of grandeur and all. And yes, even
Public Enemy No. 1 arch nemesis Taylor Swift even got a mention (Kanye has no favourite song from the Swift catalogue; Kim "was such a fan of hers").
Read on to discover the funniest quotes from the story:
1. On their favourite body parts:
Kanye: Is the face a body part? My favourite body part of Kim's: heart.
Kim: Awww, now I have to say the same. But of my own, I like my upper stomach. I just seem to always have abs.When I'm not really pregnant, I have a great two-pack. And of Kanye's? I have to say his heart. And I've always loved his legs.
2. On historical figures they identify with:
Kanye: Us? Muhammad Ali, Marilyn Monroe-all day. Next question.
3. On hidden talents:
Kim: I can smell when someone has a cavity. It's a very specific smell-not a bad-breath smell-but something that is really strong.
Kanye: I can analyse people's intentions. Immediately. That's just a warning. To everyone.
4. On insecurities:
Kanye: I used to have insecurity about my finances, then I announced that I had debt, and now I don't have any insecurities.
5. On thinking:
Kanye: Here's something that's contrary to popular belief: I actually don't like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all.
6. On Kanye's plans for Yeezy:
Kanye: It's so hard to do fittings [for Yeezy] because we want to do things that are inspiring, that people could look at and say, "Wow, I like that colour palette, I could put that together." And there are so many images of things that it's almost impossible to have your clothes go up against the amount you're seeing and carry it into one language. That's why I'm always fighting either to have a house work with us or to head a house. It's a lifestyle I can totally see: the future, modern Versailles, modern Versace, modern Calabasas, paparazzi, celebrity language. I just want to build a collection that's around me and my wife and my kids. Because Kris and the family, they have the power of communication. This is the number one communications company.
7. On the power of his ideas for Yeezy:
Kanye: What designer on the planet can sell, consistently, 40,000 shoes. In two minutes?
Kim: One minute.
8. On selfies:
Kanye: I love her nude selfies. Like, I love the ones from the side, the back ones, and the front. I just love seeing her naked; I love nudity. And I love beautiful shapes. I feel like it's almost a Renaissance thing, a painting, a modern version of a painting. I think it's important for Kim to have her figure. To not show it would be like Adele not singing.
I used to do nude selfies in my single days. You'd get a good cock shot here and there. Gotta keep it rock 'n' roll.
Yeah, it's all about scale. You don't become a rock star for no reason.
9. On Kim's vanity
Kanye: Yeah, I think she has vanity. And with me, I don't give a fuck, bro; it is what it is. I'm the best - now what? I don't know if that's a vain statement. I don't particularly like photos of myself, though.
10. On being rich:
Kim: I rented an island for his birthday. A far, far away place where no one can find us.
Kanye: You see, those are the type of statements that make people not like us, more so than the "I'm the best" statement. It's more the "Oh, yeah, I just rented an island for his birthday ..." You know in Meet the Parents, Owen Wilson's character? All of our shit is like Owen Wilson's character; he's like, "This is when we jumped off Mount Everest, and we wore turtle flight suits or whatever."
Never change guys, never change.