Chrissy Teigan is the latest cover girl for US magazine Glamour, but the wife of John Legend has taken the opportunity to share something very personal: her struggle with postpartum depression.
Back in April last year, Teigan and her Grammy award-winning husband welcomed their first born baby Luna, but soon after Chrissy developed a condition called post-partum depression - however wasn't diagnosed until a couple of months ago. After an endless struggle, the Lip Sync Battle host has opened up about her story in an exposed essay - and it's as raw and honest as we've ever seen her before.
"Let me start here: To a lot of you, I think, I seem like the happiest person on the planet. I have an incredible husband-John and I have been together for over 10 years. He has seen my successes and failures; I've seen his," she begins.
"I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me-but me-knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression," she said. "How can I feel this way when everything is so great? I've had a hard time coming to terms with that, and I hesitated to even talk about this, as everything becomes such a "thing."
The new mum discusses her day-to-day struggles she faced for months on end, which included lack of energy and debilitating fatigue. "I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I'd ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know-I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed," she continued. "John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn't have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying."
But after a long struggle, Teigen finally got diagnosed. "Before the holidays I went to my GP for a physical. John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, "Yep, yep, yep." I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety."
" [I] didn't think it could happen to me. I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn't control it. And that's part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I'm struggling. Sometimes I still do."
Teigen explains how she wants this to encourage other women to seek help: "I'm speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don't want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone," she said. "I also don't want to pretend like I know everything about post-partum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that - for me - just merely being open about it helps."
She ended the essay sharing her relief: "Phew! I've hated hiding this from you."