#Freakshakes are the newest thing in food porn and - spoiler alert - one sip and you'll be drinking your way straight to the dentist - or spiralling into a hangover if you like your shakes spiked. That's right - if a Nutella-filled cronut atop a chocolate thickshake doesn't tantalise your tastebuds, you can opt for a slider-stacked Bloody Mary instead. Or have the latter for dinner and the former for dessert. We won't judge.
From the trend's birthplace to the best cafes to catch on, these are the top five places to get your #freakshake on (but be warned: you'll need to exercise extreme willpower).
1. Pâtissez, Canberra
Who knew our dry politico, beige-suited capital could spark a food revolution? The original #Freakshake is the brainchild of mother/daughter team Anna Petridis and her mum Gina, co-owners of Canberra café Pâtissez. Freaky flavours include the Nutella Salty Pretzel Shake, which caters for the diehard Nutella nut (no longer restricted to indulging direct from the jar) and Salty Nuts, a salted butter, caramel and whipped cream concoction topped with a slice of cake (seriously). There's a new flavour each week, ingredients are baked fresh every evening and the milk is lactose-lover favourite Tilba Jersey Milk. These shakes are the real deal.
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2. Foodcraft Espresso, Sydney
Commuters riding the Erskineville route have a valid excuse for work tardiness: Foodcraft Espresso's Tella Ball shake. Queues form early and long outside this Erskineville bakery and this is why: their doughnut/milkshake conglomeration. The Tella Ball doughnut was already a cult item on the three-month-old bakery's menu, filled with either Nutella, salted caramel, vanilla bean ricotta or five berry jam, when Foodcraft's business partners, Aki Daikos and Simon Kappatos, did an in-kitchen experiment combining it with a shake. The rest is freakshake history. The shake flavours match the Tella Ball filling for a seriously decadent drink.
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3. The Vogue Café, Sydney
Tucked in the pride of North Ryde's Macquarie Centre, The Vogue Café has mall rats in rapture over their sweet sensations. Heavy-duty straw-wear is required to get through these picture perfect drinks, mostly designed with chocolate addicts in mind. Most feature a melting pot of Willy Wonka-esque flavours, from the Teddy Bears Picnic (Picnic chocolate bars melted down with peanut butter, Belgian chocolate and topped with Tiny Teddies) to the M.C.M, an acronym for the Milo, Crunchie, Malt combo shake. The health-ish conscious are catered for with frappes such as Life's White Peach, a crisp peach-based frappe with a side of Tim Tams (truly).
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4. Johnny Pump, Melbourne
The burger and shake combo is universally acknowledged as a scene staple in pretty much any movie ever made (who can forget Pulp Fiction's American versus French McDonalds car conversation?). Johnny Pump, in Melbourne's Essendon, is firmly on board with the trend, with both #freakshakes and great burgers on the menu. A word of advice? If you're planning to tackle one of these shakes, skip the burger. These shakes do justice to the 'drinks as food' movement with names like Nutella & Chocolate Fudge, Blue Heaven & Lemon Tart, Caramel Popcorn & Oreo and Strawberry & Banana Bread filling both the menu and customers' stomachs.
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5. Bloody Mary's, Sydney
There's only so much sweet talk a person (and their teeth) can handle, so covering the savoury Insta-worthy drink scene is Bloody Mary's in inner-city Darlinghurst, Sydney. They make their own tomato juice, which gives them the chutzpah to own the self-professed title, 'masters of the modern day Bloody Mary'. Blood Mary's liquid take on classic dishes includes the aptly named Bloody Caesar, a traditional Bloody Mary topped with a deconstructed Caesar salad of cos lettuce, shrimp and bacon. Still not satisfied? Pony up for the Bloody Hell which is chilli-infused vodka served with a shrimp, slider and a buffalo wing. Dinner is served.