1. The butt facial
Okay, this is not strictly a male-centric offering, but how many women do you know who'd jump on the train? More importantly, will someone please think of the poor therapists having to administer this item on the spa menu? Apparently, a less than flawless complexion down south and round the back is a serious concern for some chaps (or men who wear them). This treatment combines lasers, peels and moisturisers to ensure a uniform result. No word yet on what an extraction entails.
2. The beard transplant
For men who really really really want to bring their inner hipster to fruition but can muster no more than a one o' clock shadow, this operation - and we mean a full operation - costs around $7,000 for the full shebang/lumberjack.
3. The snake massage
Snakes belong in one of two places: shoes or handbags. Most women know this. Men on the other hand, not so much. Welcome to the snake massage. Oh grow up - we didn't mean it like that. At the Bali Heritage Reflexology Spa, you can have a massage while snakes crawl over your bod. They are fed 30 minutes beforehand and have their mouths taped shut. In case you were worried.
4. Birch please
If you're ever in Turkey, check into a traditional men-only hammam (women have their own section). It's communal, heated and for a small extra fee, a man with dead eyes and zero per cent body fat will smack a birch branch into your smouldering flesh. Good for the circulation apparently.
5. The beer bath
Now you're talking. When you need to recover from that buck's
night, weekend, week in Prague, make an appointment at the Chodovar Family Brewery just outside of town. Where you can soak for 20 glorious minutes in bathing beer - yeast, hops and dried crushed herbs - at a toasty 34 degrees Celsius. Apparently, the heat encourages toxin-removing sweat and the hops exfoliate. Finish with what else but a frosty lager?
6. Bull semen
Oh relax, it's not like you're actually smearing it into your hair. What's that? That's exactly what you are doing? Apparently, for men who are thinning up top, this miraculous substance will help make the most of what they've got. Blended with keratin and at around $150 a, um, shot, it is said to fortify roots - seriously - with proteins and antioxidants. It's predictably described as "Viagra" for hair and big in the UK.